Minggu, 26 April 2015
My Dream
My name is Dyah Budiyanti I come from a small village in Sragen.Everyone have dreams,so do I . I have some dreams that I want to achieve.First, As a child, I wanted to be a child who can raise the dignity of my parent.I would be very happy if my parents proud of me.Second , I want to graduate college in the right time with satisfactory value.I wish my knowledge will be useful not only for me but also for others. After I graduate I want to work at the tax office, but I also want to be a successful farmer who can empower people .After I succeed I want to build my parent’s home with my own money and build a library in my village because I was sad when I saw the children rarely read the books.
In the future ,I want to be a good wife and a good mother not only as a wife and mother but I also want to be a friend for my husband and my children.we foster a good family with the foundation of Islam. other than that I want to help my nephews’ education finance because their mother have always helped me in the present. I also want to go to Mecca for Hajj with my beloved family.One more ,My greatest wish is that I always be there for my parents .I don’t want my parents feel lonely in their old age like most parents in the world.
Revised
My Dream
My name is Dyah Budiyanti I come from a small village in Sragen.Everyone have dreams,so do I . I have some dreams that I want to achieve.First, As a child, I wanted to be a child who can raise the dignity of my parent.I would be very happy if my parent proud of me.Second , I want to graduate college in the right time with satisfactory score.I wish my knowledge will be useful not only for me but also for others. After I graduate I want to work at the tax office, but I also want to be a successful farmer who can empower people .After I succeed I want to build my parent’s home with my own money and build a library in my village because I was sad when I saw the children rarely read the books.
In the future ,I want to be a good wife and a good mother not only as a wife and mother but I also want to be a friend for my husband and my children.We foster a good family with the foundation of Islam. Beside that I want to help my nephews’ education finance because their mother have always helped me in the present. I also want to go to Mecca for Hajj with my beloved family.One more ,My greatest wish is that I always be there for my parents .I don’t want my parents feel lonely in their old age like most parents in the world.
Dyah, I want to give some comments for you :)
BalasHapus1. I think that you should add a fullstop (.) after this sentence : "My name is Dyah Budiyanti"
2. "Everyone have dreams,so do I." , should be "Everyone has dreams, so do I."
3. And then, after "After I graduate" ,I think that you should add a comma (,).
4. One more, look at again in this sentence : "Beside that I want to help my nephews’ education..." , it should be "Besides (not beside) that (comma), I want to help my nephews’ education... "
I'm sorry Dyah if I have some mistakes in my correction. Thank you. :)